So let us set this fictional yet realistic stage here...
One friend announces that she is getting married and flashes her ring. The ladies all clap and one woman comments "Oh I loved my wedding day we honeymooned in France." Another one states that her husband got a popular band to perform at their wedding. The last friend states when she gets married she will ask for a ring of no less than 14 carrots. The attention shifted many times to a power dynamic.
Why do some women have this issue? That nagging thought in the back of our minds or the need to compete. "I have a better job anyway"," my kid is the best at _______", and "My garden is the best on the block". Over even get this: " "my hair will never be as long as hers", "My body isn't like hers" and "I can't cook a roast as good as hers".
We as a gender need to stop and analyze this because women will never grow into maturity and wisdom. It is clearly high school behavior. Emotionally a lot of us still carry around that into adulthood. We still have a teenage mentality with just a career and the ability to rent a car.
So, I went on a deep dive. Not to my surprise, there are a good amount of articles on this issue which are at the end of this blog. They all share a theme of women having to compete for men, insecurity, generational learning (let's just say curses), poor use of power, projection, and lack of communication skills. Let's break these down together because all of us perhaps have been here. This blog is about the elements of womanhood and frankly, for a lack of better words, this behavior AIN'T IT!
There are even some comedy skits on this issue, you know because comedians are the new politicians.
Competing for Men
We know that there are more women than men in the world. In the USA the ratio of men to women is 97 to 100. In the world, the ratio is 100 to 101. There are 44 million more men than women in the world. Frankly, these numbers took me off guard. Of course, we have to take into account gay men and trans people, married men, and all the other modern letters of the world today. So, I see the reason for competing, but what good godly guy wants an openly or secretly catty woman hmm? So how do we as vintage women stay away from competing with other women? Let's keep going, shall we...
Insecurity/projection
How do we stop competing? Here...right here. Zero in on our own insecurities, which we all have I'm sure. Acne, facial hair, big feet, weight (under or over), not being the best cook, everything you grow dies, etc.
Solution: If another woman is good at something that you are not or has features you don't, BE GENUINELY HAPPY FOR HER. You can pray for her gifts to magnify, pray that you don't covet her, and pray that you love yourself, humble yourself and ask for how she gardens so well, etc. Now let's flip it, A woman comes to you admiring you or what you do, don't push her away. In turn, you can give some tips and tricks that you do. If it's a personal question you don't have to disclose and genuinely explain why. Some things are private like the business you built or clearly other things and communicate that. ("Hey sis I love the body butter you sell, what's the recipe", "Aww thanks I really appreciate that you like my product, but I can't disclose that as it is for my business").
When we project, we are putting our shortcomings on others.
" Oh that meat was slammin' girl, is the recipe a secret?"
"No, you can have it no worries"
Another person in their head, "It wasn't all that or I've had/done better"
or interject "You know I have a great rice recipe that would go with that meat"
or"Person x makes meat just like that but its a little less salty, but your is good too"
I think this effeminate behavior is really cringe as the young people say. Solution: that is that womans' time to shine. Your moment will come naturally.
Lack of Communication
See the theme here...
Communication is big for every aspect of life: Marriage, Friendship, Church, Work, Home, etc. When we lack good communication skills that gives a fun place for satan to play in our heads which we as women struggle with:
" I can't believe she said that"
"Who does she think she is?"
"she's being holier then thou"
"She's the problem"
"I can't deal with women"
But what do we say when a problem arrives, that we don't like confrontation. Those thoughts are similar to doing all the double Dutch tricks in your mind. In and out, in there for a sec, then out, maybe an hour, a day, then out. That's dangerous.
Solution: Matt 18;15: talk to the woman no one else, we don't need to "vent" with anyone else. Get our emotions in check before we do this: ask for clarity in prayer if we even should be upset and, hear me here... are we on our monthly.
Generational Learning
Many times we compete, project, or lack good communication skills because of what we have been exposed to in our lives. Maybe your mother and aunts never talked when problems arrived. A friend in middle school spoke poorly of herself. Your relative was in pageants all her childhood and was raised in an unhealthy competition for beauty and talent.
Solution: Keep a diary/reflect on times in your past that may have negatively affected your actions now. And you guessed it, pray for guidance on breaking this curse. If you have daughters, the curse stops with you. Spend time, talk, and most importantly teach her by the change in your actions.
Poor Use of Power
Oh power, what all the world wants. When we women get into power it... is... something... else. Good can come or bad. Women with good intentions can build, but the latter can break down. Whatever power position it is: at work, in your home, at church, at school events, etc, we need to know that it comes with great responsibility. Women in power that deep down don't want another woman to surpass them will slily speak down, discredit others' actions, and keep their sleeves in the center so no one else can shine.
Solution: all of the above from the points prior.
What it Boils down to...
It's coveting. That old serpent still trying to make enmity with us. So you read this whole blog thus far (hopefully :) ) and it's just that, coveting!? Yup, every negative action and thought boils down to a commandment that is being broken. As we know, everything starts in the mind. That one thought of "I can't do what she does" so I'm going to secretly hate. Or "I can do better than she does" or questioning/assuming what another woman is doing is because of XYZ that seed is planted. If we don't stop that seed from germinating we will showcase this annoying teenage effeminate behavior. It's dangerous because it is in secret, under the radar, behind a smile, but only we and God know our intentions with other women. So to understand this phenomenon with women I researched and broke it down into the points above. We are all not perfect, but striving to be. The first step is always looking inward and getting ourselves in check to be the women of God we are all meant to be.
So share your comments on this post, do you agree, or disagree? Like, and share!
Articles
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=women+stand+up+set+on+women+competing+with+each+other&&view=detail&mid=DEE310EA568973F1292DDEE310EA568973F1292D&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dwomen%2Bstand%2Bup%2Bset%2Bon%2Bwomen%2Bcompeting%2Bwith%2Beach%2Bother%26FORM%3DHDRSC4
I think this topic is so timely. Especially when it comes to the sisterhood. This a good read. Thank you Sis. I can not wait for more